Why change is so difficult

For the last few blogs I have written about transformation, The more assessment debriefs I do, the more I believe Psalm 139 correctly describes us as “fearfully and wonderfully made.”  We are so complex that one assessment instrument barely scratches the surface of explaining who God created us to be.  The instruments we use (TrueWiring®) contain over one hundred scales, each measuring a specific attribute, yet a scale score can impact any one of the other scales. For a short three-minute video explaining each of our instruments, click here: TrueWiring®.

One scale score can dramatically influence how another scale is manifested.  It is easy to see how difficult it is to understand how multiple scales from multiple instruments can describe an individual, especially considering how all the scales impact each other.  Each person is so very unique. It is well-nigh impossible to think we fully know or understand another person from a quick review of instruments.

An example of this comes from a recent debrief.  The individual was a 66-year-old executive with a career that is effective and successful.  As I reviewed his Motivators, his Pacing Motivator was the highest of all his 22 Motivators.  This just didn’t make sense for a highly effective and successful business leader at his age.  Had he been 26, I would have expected it because the younger the person, the higher the Pacing Motivator tends to be.  Another conundrum was his EQ (Emotional Intelligence) scores were high, which didn’t make sense given some of his other scores.

I simply asked him where he learned to set a healthy work/life balance and develop his EQ.  He shared a tragic event that occurred a decade or so into his career which shook him dramatically.  He reoriented his whole life in light of this one traumatic event. He began to work on his relationships with family members.  He also created more emotional space in his life for others. As I listened to his story, his scales began to make sense. As he developed his EQ, it influenced his other scores.

EQ is a key to creating healthy expressions of each behavior within DISC.  A very high score on any of these four scales can be expressed in a healthy way if the EQ is high.  If the EQ is low (for self or others), then the dominant DISC factor can be expressed in unhealthy ways, like a high D being controlling, insensitive, and demanding.  A high I can be talkative, insensitive, and impulsive.  A high S can be anxious, insecure and resist change.  A high C can fixate on details, be indecisive, and always questioning.

It seems that EQ is the key to releasing any of the four factors within a DISC from pathological expressions.  An emotionally healthy high D realizes when their desire to be in charge is overwhelming others or impeding effective team functioning.  So, the high D with good EQ manages this behavioral factor by intentionally giving others responsibility, authority, and accountability.

The high I with good EQ realizes when they are talking too much and listening too little. So, the high I manages this behavioral factor by intentionally being quiet, asking questions of others, and truly listening to their responses. 

The high S with good EQ realizes when their feelings of insecurity are causing them to resist a needed change in direction.  So, the high S manages this behavioral tendency by consciously agreeing to change and be uncomfortable in the process without being critical or expressing their anxiety.

The high C with good EQ realizes when their need to understand and grasp all the details is obstructing the team from progress.  So the high C manages their need for certainty by choosing to decide based on the data currently available and can make peace with the possibility that decision may not be the perfect one. 

This is only one simple example.  Our lives become exponentially more intricate as the other low and high attributes in our lives are adapting at the same time.  But this is what life is all about: learning to develop as a whole person, not just as a single number/letter would indicate!  Human development is so much more complex than just working on one thing throughout our lifetime.  We are a complex system of hardware and software influences in our personhood.  So, when we adjust one of the variables in our lives, the whole system must adapt and change. 

We know it is healthier and easier to work on changing only one aspect of our lives at a time.  However, when we attempt to change one behavior, attitude or way of thinking, we often revert to the previous state after a while.  This is because most systems seek homeostasis. This is a fancy word for the tendency of any system to seek stability and resist change which upsets this harmony.   So even if a change is desired, it will be resisted if it upsets the way everything was steady before.

Without continual pressure, the whole system won’t adjust, it will just attempt to restore whatever was changed back to what it was before.  Higher-ordered systems, like humans, only change when we morph one variable and keep pressure (accountability) on that variable until the whole system eventually adapts. Changing one attribute will impact the way other attributes are expressed.

When this happens, it produces a whole lot of instability.  This is one reason why long-term transformation may not last, as I have discussed in the last few weeks.  As followers of Christ, our lives should be a constant process of conforming our lives to Christ.  Let’s face it: none of us are competent to do so on our own.  That’s why I write this blog and why Paul writes, therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. (Philippians 2.12-13)

We work on it in healthy relationships with others who love and accept us.


Posted

in

by

Tags:

Comments

4 responses to “Why change is so difficult”

  1. Karen Faison-Brown Avatar

    I am a very simple person in thought and comprehension. Even though I was evaluated for my EQ, etc in LF, course 1, I have the faintest idea of what the outcome is to every day living. Sure, I saw all of these words/% and such but I was overwhelmed with it all and it didn’t do much to inspire me.
    I get it that Is it all to floor me how variant that I am and desperately need GOD’s help but where is the sense of this test? Please respond. Thanks

    1. Greg Wiens Avatar
      Greg Wiens

      Karen, I find that the the EQ scores simply measure how well we understand our own emotions and the emotions of others. It also measures how well we express our emotions or how well we encourage others to share their emotions. God created us as humans with emotions, the only question is do we allow God to use our emotions in a healthy way in our our relationships. It is very hard to understand others if we don’t understand their emotions.

  2. Doug Talley Avatar
    Doug Talley

    Excellent blog! Insightful, non-judging, reminds us how complex we are, and encouraging! Thanks

    1. Greg Wiens Avatar
      Greg Wiens

      Yes, every time I do an assessment I am reminded of the complexity of the human being. You know this well. Thanks.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *