Change of heart

I have been writing this blog for two years.  I remember the concern I had in starting it because I had struggled with writing much of my life.  I did learn to express myself in writing through years of journaling.  Journaling was a good training ground.  Through over 45 years, I slowly absorbed the value and importance of articulating myself clearly and succinctly. I now enjoy writing these Thursday Thoughts (TT) very much. 

I was also concerned about putting my thoughts out there for others to read and critique. But a lot has changed for me in the last couple of years.  With over a hundred posts written thus far, a slow change has occurred. I am no longer concerned whether others read it or even agree with it. I find it interesting that it has taken me the last couple of years of writing to get to this point.

Change is often slow. I currently feel as if writing TT is for me and not for anyone else. I want God to use everything I do for his honor and to accomplish his work. So, in some way, I hope that his intent is to use it. But that is totally in his purview. 

The motivation for writing has now come to describe what God is teaching me in life.  In other words, it is entirely in God’s hands whether others gain insight from what I write.  It frees me up to not worry about how many people are reading it.  This is real freedom, and it is a big step for me. The interesting thing is the change wasn’t made in one giant leap but rather by writing every week and not focusing on who or how many were reading it.  I simply concentrate on expressing myself appropriately while showing appreciation for what God is doing in my head and my life.

I read Seth Godin’s blog and he recently pointed out that only 12 people read the first 100 blogs!  He has now written over 9000 and has millions of readers, of which I am one, but we forget where he started.  The point isn’t to hope our impact will grow exponentially like his did, but rather to be faithful in the little things and trust God with the impact.

In Matthew 25.14ff Jesus tells a story in which he likens God to a man who gave small bags of gold to his servants.  Those who were faithful with the little things were later trusted with much larger responsibilities.  I think God does often reward the small habits which we carry out daily early in our lives to produce a lifestyle of impact later in life.

In the 100+ posts I have thus far written, I find it interesting that my change of heart was likely made 1% at a time.  A one percent change is unnoticeable. No one can discern a one percent change in themselves or others.  I surely didn’t. Often, we give up on changes because we don’t see progress.  I am not sure I would have seen any progress until just recently.  However, when we continue to maintain the habit and discipline ourselves to keep the practice, ultimate change in attitudes, behaviors, and, ultimately, lifestyles begin to take place.